Taking a look at what we know about targets and who is targeted. I think what is easy to forget is a bully targets people in their professional life but they also target people in their personal lives. If you are friends with a person, listening to them gossip about co-workers, the neighbor, the teacher, one's family members and so forth, stop for a moment and ask yourself some questions---Do they have something to say about everybody? Do they demean others often? Do they have a problem with others behavior often? And Do they seem to act as if they are always some how above all of this? I guess you could wonder if this person is a bullying in life, not just in the workplace? Recall a bully is:
- is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
- poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
- uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumors to undermine, discredit and isolate http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm
I was cleaning out some paperwork and forgot how often I documented, keeping a journal about the things I was experiencing. I knew early on I was being bullied and the pattern was pretty clear to me. In my last blog, I discussed the bullying boss bullying a little kid, nobody is spared from a bully. In my journal, I wrote about a story the bullying boss shared with me and probably many other people. Here is what I documented:
The bullying boss: The Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader is 500lbs, he/she insulted his/her child all weekend long. I went up to the Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader and said, if you insult your child one more time I'm gonna have to hurt you. My son/daughter was nervous around the leader all weekend but I told him/her not to worry, daddy/mommy will go around and around with leader.
Me: Did your son/daughter have a good time?
The bullying boss: He/She loved it!(interjecting right away with) Another child threw up every time he/she went to the outhouse. I said to the Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader I'm sure there are places with plumbing, I have been camping everywhere. It was just ridiculous! I already called the mainline for the Boy Scout/Girl Scout to complain. The person there told me I could start my own group. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings, I wouldn't take all the boys/girls, maybe 6. The boys/girls are also suppose to earn badges, one of the badges is cooking and this Leader did none of that. I was starving and all the Leader brought was donuts.And do you think the bullying boss was done, not at all, the bullying boss moved onto gossip about two additional people. I do not want to give to much details with the next two people gossiped about, so in short.
The bullying boss: I need to get away from so and so, he/she is driving me crazy. I ended up telling so and so I need to get away from you because we will be better friends. My husband/wife could not believe I told so and so this.Moving onto the next subject of gossip.
The bullying boss: So and so son/daughter was around this weekend and was talking to my son/daughter. He/She was told to stay away from my child. There is something wrong with them, a crack addict or meth addict. If you ever met them, you would not forget them (then demonstrates how this person talks). They talk real fast and keeps moving their legs and stuff.I documented that the conversation was less then 5 minutes with the bullying boss. The conversation was pretty much me listening and the bullying boss talking about others. So, if you are in the midst of a gossip remember they are probably a bully and gossips about everyone, including you.