Definition of Workplace Bullying

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms:
*Verbal abuse

*Offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating, or intimidating

*Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
~Harvey S. Firestone

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Deep is where my thoughts go

It has been a while since I wrote.  I have been writing this blog for nearly 6 months and am amazed that I have had nearly 1,000 page views.  I thank each of you for reading my story and have enjoyed reading other blogs about work place bullying.  It is time this blog takes a little different spin.

The past month or so has been busy with work, family and the holidays.  My family dealt with a death, illness and change in employment.  The year ended with a short vacation to the west coast where I was able to visit the ocean.  As I get older, I realize the reasons why I love the ocean and the completeness of my soul near it.  The ocean puts everything in perspective, it makes me forget about my worries, allows me to breath in my joys and makes me realize its massive powers.  I am still in awe of the oceans beauty, of the waves flowing back and forth on the sand, the white waves crashing up against the rocks and the birds floating freely without a care in the world.  The ocean is my excitement, it fills me with energy!

I was able to sit for a while and think, think about the many changes in my life over the past year, over the past 5 years.  I have had many achievements, many highs and some lows.  Through it all, some things remained constant and spouse, my parents and my children.  No matter where life took me I remained positive, humbled and ethical.  I have stayed true to my one motto, "at the end of the day, I need to be able to look myself in the mirror and lay my head down on my pillow knowing my heart was in the right places".  This is not to say I am perfect and have made mistakes along the way...the difference is that I have not had a vindictive heart or set out to intentionally hurt anyone.  I am confident of this!

Except when I am reminded of the bullying boss and the residual effects left on my spirit.  The truth be told, the bullying boss has been a visitor to this blog and has confessed this is about him/her.  I have been reluctant to write about my deep thoughts and the effects someone like this leaves on your spirit...the fear of the bullying boss getting satisfaction out of the pain caused to my life by his/her hand.  Well, it does not matter any longer because the damage is done and I believe eventually what you give out to the universe will come back at you ten fold---karma happens but most importantly the bullying boss will have to explain his/her actions to God (and God knows what evil was in your heart).

As I continued to sit by the ocean thinking about life, I realized I shared less of my personal life with others over the past year.  I did not share much of my worries about my sick spouse or how afraid I am to ever lose the person that has made my life complete.  Sadly, the bullying boss knew my fears, worries and concerns about not being able to provide for myself if something ever happened to my spouse.  The bullying boss knew how much I needed my job, my financial worries and my concern for security with employment.  The bullying boss tried to use these fears to get me to beg, no plead for mercy at all costs.  I kept believing during the four months of bullying, the bullying boss would stop and eventually get a heart---I was wrong, I was so wrong.  I guess even in light of the devil standing at my door, I continued to believe it would all work out and "this to shall pass".  It was the positive stinking thinking I seemed to try to bring into my heart and soul.  The ironic thing is that I actively searched for other employment and was offered a job but turned it down believing the bullying would stop.

Instead, I learned positive thinking does not always prevail.  Working hard and caring about people does not always secure your employment.  Being humble and grounded means nothing in the big spectrum of life.  And sadly, I learned people are vicious and do not care about your worries.  It is about playing the game (with the game master), whether you are a hard working employee or a lazy manipulative employee, it does not matter to someone like the bullying boss or anybody who is a bully.  It is all about the power you have over others.  The workplace has turned into an ego building place.  Its not about your credentials, work ethics or hard work.  This is reality!

And the question becomes how to play the game without giving up your soul, self-esteem, your self-respect?????  I am not sure I uncovered the answers to this question.  I do know my life is forever changed and my level of trust toward people has diminished greatly. My worries and fears remain the same.

My reality, the job I took over the past year was wonderful (honestly, the most fulfilling I have ever had) and the hope was for it to last long with possible future opportunities.  Unfortunately, this does not seem likely (a part of me is hopeful).

I have a spouse that is sick and currently in the hospital waiting to have surgery.  Our lives have changed drastically over the past 4 or 5 years.  We have suffered highs and lows.  My stress remains high and it is harder to find the spirit I use to have deep in my soul. Looking for the positive side of things. I am less optimistic and more pessimistic.

As you read this bullying boss, I understand you can never empathize with the effect you left on my life.  My worries remain the same today as it did when I kept reminding you I needed my job, I needed to have security in employment and my spouse did not need added stress.  You knew all of the deep thoughts I had and was feeling.  You will probably find humor in all this and gain some energy, its fine...I choose to freely give this moment to you.

For others reading this blog, bullying effects people's lives during the bullying and long after.  Bullying has residual effects on a persons spirit, health and outlook toward the world.  This is a reality!  If you are a bully and find no empathy in this blog, I feel sorry for your heart and soul.  If you are affected by the blog, there is hope for your heart and soul.  And if you are being bullied or have experienced bullying and can relate to the residual effects, the are not alone!