Dear Bully Boss...

I found a very interesting article, "Dear Bully Boss".  It is about being able to write a letter to your bullying boss.  Here is the website, http://bullyinworkplace.wordpress.com/2011/09/07/dear-bully-boss/  and can also be found on Facebook at  http://www.facebook.com/groups/nojobisworththis/  Below is some examples of the things that were written to "Dear Bully Boss"...

"I moderate a Facebook Group and something special is happening there.  Last night I came home to find that several people had spontaneously posted “Dear Bully Boss” letters.   I couldn’t help adding my own.  It’s been cathartic for many of us.  Here’s a sampling…  [ names withheld for this posting but you can visit the group and add your own by clicking here]"

Dear Bully Boss: I asked you repeatedly in a very nice way (at first) to please intervene when co-workers were making insulting comments directed at me, talking over me, excluding me and ignoring me when I asked for a cooperative and respectful workplace. If you had acted when I first approached you there would have been very few hard feelings and more than likely we all could have worked as a team..

Dear Bully Boss: F_ You! That’s all I can say. Oh, and another thing… “Karma” will come your way. It always does!

Dear BullyBoss: You insulted me, you talked about me behind my back, you underminded me, you made up lies about me, you talked AT me instead of TO me. You treated me like shit and then tossed me aside like I never mattered. It will take a long time for me to heal from your abuse but at least I know I will get better. YOU NEVER WILL.

Dear Bully Boss: I was not successfull in giving you my soul and all that you expected of me; however, I was able to succeed in giving you what you asked for. Sorry for the inconveniances this may have caused you. Pffft. ya right.!.!

Dear Bully Boss: It is obvious just how deeply entrenched in sand, denial, and do-goodery you are. You know EXACTLY what you did to me and others, as do your secretive and manipulative BOD chairs, and your spineless remaining staff. No one can lie that much and not be aware of it on some level — well, except for the absolute sickest of narcissistic sociopaths… 

 http://bullyinworkplace.wordpress.com/2011/09/07/dear-bully-boss/#comment-375

Here are some additional comments recently posted on  http://www.facebook.com/groups/nojobisworththis/

"For 17 yrs of my life, I lived, ate, and breathed that org, 24/7. Then you came along. Unlike you and those now involved there, I actually HAVE the very illness that you pretend to understand and represent. I was so ill with late-stage Lyme as well, and getting sicker daily. I tried to tell you this. It all fell on deaf ears -- more denial. Wash, rinse, repeat . . . After all, who wants to work with sick people, right (or so I've heard)?"


"Ironic, isn't it? I got the very same "but you don't look sick" speech that we had fought so hard for decades to erase in the medical/lay communities. You even told me daily that my work was horrific, my skill-set was lacking, and that my writing was atrocious (yet you still sell the very books that I wrote)? That's rather remarkable to me. I mean, how did I manage to go from a top-notch employee -- the "backbone of the org" I was called many times over the yrs -- to a blithering idiot in a matter of months (after 17 yrs)???"


"But I also know that you feared and resented me quite a bit (as did others on the BOD and staff) because I was much smarter than average, much thinner than all of you (LOL), and was a more honest human who would not so easily lie on command -- a truth seeker/moral compass who questioned before merely following commands from a dictator. I actually dared to have opinions, as I always have and always will. In the end, you got what you wanted and I was forced to resign or literally be hospitalized (or commit suicide)."


"So, you took away the only source of pride that I had left in my life. You took away my sole source of income. You refused to acknowledge just how sick I was or that my disease even exists. You pretty much destroyed my life to its core. And you did this to a person who represents what you are supposed to be advocating for. Talk about kicking the "cancer patient."


"But Karma's a bitch and does not suffer fools easily.The secret is exposed. The cat's out of the bag. Your underhanded ways, cruelty, and corruption will surely come back to bite you, and hard. Maybe they already have."


"I may be sicker now, thanks in part to severe, documented PTSD caused by your insidious, precision-like, planned and executed mistreatment, but am also way, way smarter, even leaner, and I am a part of an outstanding and ever-growing community of anti-workplace bullying activists (and Lyme activists, too) that are organized in your state, in our country, and throughout the world. We mean business. We are not laughing and smiling w/you in your faux Pollyanna reality. We have much more important work to do."


"You still invade my dreams nightly and turn them into nightmares. But one day I know that you will reap what you've sown. I have faith in that, if nothing else."

And you keep believing your behavior does not affect lives, it does!  Get some help and serious counseling, these "Dear Bully Boss" comments are not made up or imagined.  These are real people with real lives, you are not the only one in the world.  That's right, to the bullying boss, the world only centers around you.  My Dear Bully Boss letter is this blog and as time moves forward, your wickedness will continue to be revealed.    


You can send your stories to Honorable George Miller, Senior Democrat Committee on Education and the Workforce, the website is  http://democrats.edworkforce.house.gov/eforum Lets get the word out and put an end to this epidemic.  


Targeted

Deception

I have been thinking about this blog for sometime now.  This is a hot topic right now.  It is important to note my strong belief in the basis of why unions organized and their benefit to workers.  I realize this maybe a controversial subject, non-union vs union but without laws against bullying in the workplace, a worker stands NO chance to pursue a course of action.  This is why I personally believe we need to recognize the benefits of union organizations and take action to unionize. 

The bullying boss had positioned him/her self in projecting the company as belonging to a union and operated under that premise.  I was told I worked for a union company and when I reached out for help I found out the employer never belonged to a union.  What would be the motive for stating a company belongs to a union? Or projects they believe in what a union stands?  When in reality this was not the case.   

As I have written in previous blogs, the pattern is important to pay attention too.  In this pattern, which others witness is where the truth lies when dealing with a bully.  Bullies most likely sufferer from a personality disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Histrionic Personality Disorder.  These bullies may also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.  You can read further about these disorders at http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/npd.htm.  The most prevalent point is their attention seeking behavior.  On Bullying Online website, "drama queens, saviors, rescuers, feigned, and attention-seekers, attention seeking personality disorders, victim syndrome, insecurity and center of attention behavior" (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm).  I believe once you read this website, you will step back and realize your bullying boss fits this description.

Getting back to my point!  It is important to establish a basis of "Why unions were created".  "Since the creation of labor unions there remains an ongoing struggle to insure that all working people are justly treated by their employer" (http://www.helium.com/items/573736-history-of-labor-unions-in-the-united-states).   In short, unions are there to ensure you are treated fairly and the employer/company is following the laws and the negotiated contract.  If I would of been protected by a union, I would of had a grievance process I could of followed but I did not have that option.      

There is such an ongoing debate about unions, At Will states and Right to Work states.  An At Will state is where your employer does not need a good reason to fire you.  The Right to Work state allows an employee to decide for themselves if they want to or not to join a union.  This is why I believe belonging to a union is beneficial to each of us.  So, when I kept being threatened on a daily basis that I was an "At Will Employee" and therefore the bullying boss needed no reason to fire me...would you of been surprised?  As the saying goes, "a Wolf in Sheep's Clothing is an idiom of Biblical origin.  It is used of those playing a role contrary to their real character, with whom contact is dangerous"...and as the story goes, "A wolf, dressed in sheep's skin,  blended in with the flock of sheep and every day killed one of the sheep" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wolf_in_Sheep's_Clothing).

Remember, serial bullies are good at convincing, a practiced liar, has a Dr. Jekyll and Hyde persona, "excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive", cannot be trusted, is highly manipulative and on and on (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm).

"Our labor unions are not narrow, self-seeking groups. They have raised wages, shortened hours and provided supplemental benefits. Through collective bargaining and grievance procedures, they have brought justice and democracy to the shop floor"~~JOHN F. KENNEDY, speech, Aug. 30, 1960

Just as previously stated, if someone projected them self as believing in the basis of a union and prided them self in the company belonging to a union...to find out the company did not belong to a union and the bullying boss acted opposite of a union believing person.  Would you look at that person differently and question motive, question why?  If someone took the time to deceive the truth, why?  Refer to the characteristics of a serial bully and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder descriptions.  I hope at this point you can make a correlation and when you are dealing with a bullying boss do the same.  

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing!

Targeted

To do nothing?

I just finished reading a non-fiction book entitled, "In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror and an American Family in Hitler's Berlin".  The book takes place in 1933 when Hitler first became Chancellor in Germany.   Mr. Dodd had just become the new US Ambassador in Germany.  He moved his entire family to Berlin, Germany, his wife, adult daughter and son.  The adult daughter had been excited by the glamour, the parties and the German men who were politically involved with the Hitler movement.  As time continues, she begins to believe in the Hitler movement.  She was taken in by the charisma and likableness of Hitler and the SS men and other higher military ranking people of Germany.  The same thing was happening to others in their political circle and then others felt just the opposite.  There were many people from the US Department that warned of the changes taking place in Germany since Hitler's appointment as Chancellor. No one was listening to the reports, the attacks against Jewish and non-Jewish Americans.  Instead, the position was that no one wanted to get involved or cause hard feelings with Hitler, it was not "our" business.  On June 30, 1934 Hitler made his first significant strike against his friends and enemies, anyone that he seen as a threat or maybe in opposition.  Hitler ordered his men to arrest and ultimately murder many people, historically, the number murdered is disputed but believed to be around 1000 people.  Hitler justified his actions to the world and the German people as being in the best interest of Germany.  Hitler set the stage of fear and paranoia amongst anyone living in Germany, inaction gave Hitler power to continue on his destructive path. As we are aware of history, eventually World War II happened and the Holocaust.  In the book the questions one asks of themselves is why didn't anyone do something? or others had to of known Hitler was headed in a destructive direction? or even when reports were being given of the mistreatment of people, we did nothing?  Everything was dismissed as not being so bad and eventually Hitler would lose his power.  In  the end, the Dodd family left Germany and the atrocities they witnessed stayed with each of them the rest of their lives.  The question remained with many, if there would of been a stance taken against Hitler and the direction Germany was headed, would it of had a different outcome in history and thousands upon thousands upon thousands of lives could of been saved?  The question remains,the inaction of others to speak up and to do nothing?       


 I do not want anyone to believe I am making a direct parallel between bullies and what happened during Hitler's reign as being any where on the same level.  What happened during Hitler's reign is deplorable beyond words.   


My intention is to make others think about their experiences with a bully, whether being bullied yourself or watching someone being bullied.  As I  have written in previous blogs, bystanders can actually encourage the bullies behavior by their inaction's.  I ask each of you to look at the pattern, when the bully speaks listen to what they are saying, how they gossip, speak of others negatively and has a way of painting a picture of life that is grand or drama drama every where has been encompassing their world.  Keep in mind, it is never drama they caused but drama everyone else has set in their laps.  Keep in mind the characteristics and patterns a bully possess, along with the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona.  Most bullies are narcissistic, are likable and have charisma and that is why anyone can get caught off guard. 


Each of us has a choice, to stand up and let the bully know you are no longer going to be a part of their gossiping ways or their destructive behavior.  No longer encouraging them with sympathy for their song and dance about how they are being wronged or victimized.  I would like to believe as adults one could decipher truths laid out in front of them.  Its a simple picture, if you know someone that gossips about everyone, week in and week out, has some type of drama, such as I am sick, everyone is sick again, someone is stupid, everyone is stupid, so and so wronged me, and on the other extreme end, look at me, what a good person I am, I am opinionated, I am all this and that, example of Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde persona.  Remember a bully wears both faces and just like stated previously, if you think for one minute they have not gossiped about you or would not turn on you, think again!  


The pattern is clear, their pattern is clear if you just care to look.  


The campaign by Gary and Ruth Namie to establish laws to prevent being bullied in the workplace in the healthy workplace bill.  Whether you choose to actively get involved in the campaign or decide you are no longer going to be inactive against a bully, progress has been made.   


The following is a strong statement made by "German Pastor Martin Niemoller visited the former Dachau concentration camp, where he had been imprisoned from 1941 to April 1945.  His November 1945 diary entry and some subsequent speeches he gave imply that that visit triggered the though that became this famous quotation" (http://www.history.ucsb.edu/faculty/marcuse/niem.htm).

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me.   

Its a powerful quotation.  To be inactive is to feed the bully's sense of themselves. Keep in mind a person who is a bully, narcissistic is not going to change because you speak out but it might slow their progress.  The less people being active around them, the better for all.   And you have distanced yourself from becoming a victim of their bullying.  


So, to do nothing? 


Targeted 


Another point in the lies of deception blog to follow, stay tuned!  

GETTING INVOLVED

As I researched about this topic over the past year, I found a number of very helpful websites and want to  share with others. 

"Gary Namie (Ph.D., Social Psychology) and Ruth Namie (Ph.D., Clinical Psychology) started the U.S. workplace bullying movement in mid-1997 after Ruth’s personal experience at the hands of a tyrannical woman supervisor in a psychiatry clinic."  To read more about Gary and Ruth Namie and the movement: 

http://www.workplacebullying.org/2011/09/06/gary-and-ruth-namie-an-interview-by-bob-morris/#more-5762

THE GRASSROOTS CAMPAIGN-

I have taken some key points from the website, http://www.healthyworkplacebill.org/:

The movement has evolved since then into the healthy work place bullying legislative movement, beginning in 2001.  In 2003, California was the first to introduce this intitiative, forming the California Healthy Workplace Advocates.  New York was next to follow and since then many other states have organized.

The HWB has been introduced in 21 states, in over 60 versions, and has been sponsored by more than 300 legislators, thanks to the State Coordinator volunteer network directed by Dr. Gary Namie. The bill has successfully passed committee votes in Illinois, Washington, New York, and Connecticut; passed House floor votes in New York for a study-only bill; and passed both houses in Illinois as a Joint Resolution, establishing funding for a 1-year Task Force on Workplace Bullying. In 2010, the Senates in both the New York and Illinois legislatures passed the bill. We await the successful passage by floor vote in both chambers. Eventually, it will become law in one or more states and be replicated like the school bullying laws that snowball across our nation.

Discussions about a federal law were begun in 2010 with members of the U. S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate.

The state coordinators play an important role in getting this bill in front of lawmakers by educating, creating blogs, facebook pages and so forth to get the campaign press. 

So you maybe asking yourself how can I get involved and "take action"?  When you are visiting http://www.healthyworkplacebill.org/ you can click on the tab "TAKE ACTION, HOW YOU CAN HELP".  There are a number of ways in which you can help and this is exactly what I did.  I am hoping to write further to Senators and Congressman to encourage legislation to be passed in my state.  I was encouraged today when I seen the traffic coming through my blog.  I have begun to take the initiative to link this blog with other blogs and get the word out about the healthy work place bullying legislation. 

Taking action,

Targeted

September 11, 2011, 10 year anniversary of 9/11

This past weekend, I have watched so many stories of brave people on that horrible day 10 years ago.  It still brings me to tears and the feelings I felt that morning watching the planes crash into the World Trade Center is still with me.  I am reminded of how proud I am to be an American and the love I have for my family and friends.  The acts of bravery exhibited are miraculous and shows the kindness of people's hearts toward other's in need.   That day will be a day I will never forget...God Bless America and each other. 

Which compells me to write about stopping and thinking about truths, facts and behaviors of others.  It is in writting about what happened to me that I can begin to heal and help others when I experience others being bullied.  In reading literature about the effects of bullying, whether on the playground or in the office, one has to realize its impact on our culture.  We have all witnessed someone being bullied and how it made you feel...sad, afraid, nervous and helpless.  If you have experienced bullying, it has left you with the same feelings...sad, afraid, nervous and helpless.  Many times, the bully explains away their bullying behavior or even tries to rally others to side with them.  Sadly, we have at one time or another either have choosen to encourage the bullies behavior, ignored the behavior (being quiet not to have a problem with the bully), stood up to the bully or praised the bully.  Isn't that sad, wrong and weak of us?

Bullies "undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask" (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm)  I am sure deep inside of your gut, a person truely knows people like this in their lives, has seen them in action and continues to keep them as allies.  Here it is, "Bullies feel in control when they intimidate others and they feel admired by peers when they act out. It is not so much the victim that gives a bully his or her sense of power, it is the reactions, or rather the inactions, of bystanders that feed the bully’s superior sense of self" ( http://teenadvice.about.com/od/violencebullying/a/stopbullying1.htm).  So I ask you on this 10th anniversary of 9/11, are you that bystander with the bully or are you the brave person, standing strong in the light of fear/death and doing everything and anything, BECAUSE ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? The actions of people during 9/11 is what saved lives and what helped us stand apart as Americans. 

So, through many initiatives to bring this epidemic to light and expose bullying behavior on the playground or in the workplace, no one can become bystanders encourage the abuse or allow someone to feel sad, afraid, nervous or helpless.  If one chooses to do nothing, then you are no better then the bully themselves, you are a part of the problem and the continued epidemic.  Please be advised, once you take a stand against a bully they will no longer see  you as a adversary and they will now turn on you to discredit you.  Remember the serial bully written about in a previous blog, they will "despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity" (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm).  It is each of our choice to choose what is right or to choice to encourage the bullying the behavior...what are you going to choose? 

The bully usually has a lot to say about how they have been the victim and trying to convince others that they are the "true victims".  When we are each confronted with this type of situation or gossip, one needs to step back for a moment and think, think about the bullies past behavior, their gossiping and their constant victimized attitude.  Recall the picture they paint to others, they want the world to see them as  "a wonderful, kind, caring, compassionate person" (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/attent.htm) and many times this is the Dr. Hyde persona.  The bully is not going to expose themselves to people they see as allies but if one looks over the pattern, you can see.  It is our decision to do the right thing, to have your own mind/heart and courage.  If questioning the truth, one can ask the hard questions of the bully and facts supporting their behavior.  Keep in mind, "is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment, cannot be trusted or relied upon, is highly manipulative, poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions"(http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm).

Empathy by definition, "direct identification with, understanding of, and vicarious experience of another person's situation, feelings, and motives"(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/empathy).  Can you put yourself in someone else's shoes, have empathy for their experience of being bullied?

In education, having empathy and an open heart, we can change others from being bullied,

God Bless,

Targeted

The pattern of the bully...

In thinking about this blog and what to write about next, all I keep thinking about is the pattern of abuse.  Keep in mind, I  have a box of emails totaling approximately 3 years from the bullying boss.  I have emails in which he/she shares private emails with me from his/her family members, other employees and then one's which are about his/her family members and other employees.  Establishing a pattern in exposing a bully may help others to see the red flags sooner when boundaries are crossed or they have that gut feeling something just does not seem right.  Trust me, looking back I knew then the boundaries were unhealthy but I needed my job and he/she never targetted me.  

Self-reflection helps us all to grow and hopefully learn how to better deal with situations.  I have come to realize through this past year, my approach to dealing with bullies is something I need to change.  The difference now is that I acknowledge quickier and the flags go up immediately.  In all of the research I have been doing has made things clearer, the question is figuring out how to self-reflect and change.  This is in no way putting blame on the targets but it seems that targets usually have a certain personality type and bullies can smell "us" out. 

The personality types I am referring to are one's of independence, strong work ethics, the people others in the office turn to, honest, have deep empathy for others; targets are the helpers, the happy go lucky individuals.  I think you get the picture.  When a bully encounters this type of individual their mission is to destroy at all cost, hoping to wear the target out, find that weak "carrot" and eventually become the spider who catches their pray in their web.  Sadly, if the target does NOT conform to the bullying boss the bullying continues until your health cannot take any more or you get fired.

The bullying boss always had a target or as he/she would phrase things, "on my radar".  It seemed every few months the target would be switched but it always seemed to come back to the same two individuals.  Looking back, I believe there is something to be said about that and the abuse each endured.  I do have empathy looking back and reading over emails forwarded to me about each of them.   I did try to speak up to the bullying boss and emphasis these individuals strengths.  The bullying boss always threatened to fire these two people but in the end they remain "best friends" with the bullying boss and the web of dysfunction continues.  Unfortunately, these two individuals were like gang members and would do as the bully asked.

"Bullies tend to surround themselves with supporters, spies and 'court jesters' while cultivating allies in senior management. The bully will create rivalries in the workforce, as people anxiously fight to stay in their favour, creating a divisive culture which brings out the worst in people. To be 'in' with a bully can seem the best way to survive, and cover any feelings of inadequacy by displacing these on to others, through siding with the bully's aggression. But as long as a bully feels that they can get away with it they will continue." (http://libcom.org/organise/dealing-with-bullying-at-work-guide)

Next blog to follow, specific emails from the bullying boss about these two individuals to highlight just how unhealthy of an environment I was working in.

Targeted