Definition of Workplace Bullying

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms:
*Verbal abuse

*Offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating, or intimidating

*Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
~Harvey S. Firestone

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Exclamation points

The use of exclamation points in emails could be considered disrespectful and nasty.  Are you sitting there thinking about that statement?  Do you use exclamation points in emails?  Be careful because they can also be construed as insubordination from a bullying boss.  I know when I use an exclamation point in my texts or emails, it is to show enthusiasm or excitement.  In no way shape or form are they intended to be insubordinate, disrespectful or nasty.  

Do you think it is normal for an email to last 11 pages?  How about when the email continues throughout an entire work day? Besides the exclamation point being attacked, the bullying boss also said my responses were with sarcasm.  Sarcasm was not the response at all involved in the 11 pages of this specific email.  Instead, the responses were agreeable responses, accepting I was in a no win situation with the bullying boss and his/her drama seeking personality.   

I understood it at the time and today that this was an attempt to try to get me to react.  It is similar to someone poking you repeatedly.  While they are poking you, you say over and over, "I understand, I get your point, yes, I understand".  The bullying boss continued to poke and poke wanting a reaction.  He/She did not get one so he/she fabricated a story in his/her mind.     Recall, "it is my way or the highway" per the bullying boss.    

Is this normal, I think not! (bullying boss, this ! mark is to show excitement).  It is a clear indication of being bullied and berated, except what you are A BULLY, suffering from NARCISSISM AND ATTENTION SEEKING.  You consider it being NORMAL because you are functioning under the pretenses of being mentally stable, not so much!

The bullying boss wants to berate you and make you feel terrible about yourself.  I have emails which the theme is clear throughout and the language used is the same.  The bullying boss does not discriminate, he/she sends emails to everyone with the same threats, the same words.  

So, lets explore the definition of a few words commonly used by the bullying boss:  unprofessional and nonsensical.  The definition of unprofessional, "1. contrary to the accepted code of conduct of a profession 2. amateur 3. not belonging to or having the required qualifications for a profession unprofessionally  adv" by  
The definition of nonsensical, "adjective 1.  (of words or language) having little or no meaning; making little or no sense: A baby's babbling is appealingly nonsensical.  2.(of behavior, conduct, actions, etc.) foolish, senseless,fatuous, or absurd: His nonsensical behavior was unusual forsuch a serious person.  3.objectionable, impudent, insubordinate: I refuse to listen tothat nonsensical gossip.  4.of trifling importance or of little or no use: I've had more than enough of your nonsensical advice!" by
As the saying goes, the more you project something about others the clearer it is a reflection about yourself.  I believe the bullying boss acted in an unprofessional and in nonsensical ways all the time.

The bullying boss always has a way of expressing disappointment, interjecting how much he/she has done for you and then slamming you for behaving in an unprofessional manner or in a nonsensical way.  If you have been following this blog it should be clear to you by now that a bully knows how to manipulate, lie and cause drama. This is all the while projecting to others how unfair they are being treated by the people they are targeting.  The pattern, the pattern is clear!!!!!! (oops there are those exclamation points)  If you are fortunate or unfortunate enough to have a bullying boss as diabolical as the one I had, sharing emails he/she wrote about other people...the tone, the language, the words and the "I am so perfect, know it all overtone" is all consuming the message from the bullying boss.

My bullying boss is functioning under the pretenses of being the most professional and sensible in the workplace.  Can you see how ironic this thought process is?  The bullying boss functions his/her life under many false pretenses, it is all a false sense of his/her self.  


Thursday, October 20, 2011

Making a difference

Like I said in my previous blog, I was going through some paperwork, found a number of emails and cards from clients and also a beautiful keepsake.  It brought a smile to my face and reminded me of how much I liked my job.  Liking my job has made this experience that more difficult.  I enjoyed the population I worked with and the rewards which were accomplished. 

As I read through the emails and cards, I was reminded of a husband and wife I met at a meeting.  Their situation still tugs at my heart.  The husband had just been diagnosed with cancer and needed some guidance.  His financial situation was a little shaky and asked if I was able to help.  The gentleman did not believe he had many  options and never knew of the options I offered to him.   Long story short, I was able to resolve his dilemma and he was able to continue his medical care, financially save him money and most importantly gave him piece of mind. Reading his card reminded me of his appreciation for the help I gave to him.  

Then underneath the card, I came across a box, a little blue box with a little saying on it. This gift was given to me by the bullying box just a few months prior to becoming his/her target.   

                                                    Making a Difference
An old man walked up a shore littered with thousands of    starfish, beached and dying after a storm.  A young man was picking them up and flinging them back into the ocean"Why do you bother?"the old man scoffed. "You're not saving enough to make a difference."The young man picked up another starfish and sent it spinning back into  the water."Made a difference to that one," he said. 
           You make a difference, everyday
(Inside the box was a pretty glass piece with a starfish inside and the saying Making a Difference)

I think it is in these keepsakes from my job I am the most upset.  I know I was making a difference in my work and with people I was working with.  I went the extra mile when others did not and in my heart it is the way I always worked.  

The question in my mind, "How does the bullying boss go from giving a keepsake so beautiful to trying to destroy my health, my financial situation and a job I loved?"  I wonder the true intention of these nice gestures and wholeheartedly know now these were with manipulative intentions.  Through the four months I suffered with the bullying bosses abuse, the message was clear...conform to my ways or I will destroy you regardless of the work you do, its my way or the highway, I am the boss and I am in control.  

As I blog and refer to research written about bullies, their behavior is evil and deceitful.  The stories the bullying boss must have told to sell others on how terrible I was as an employee.  And to think some believe and continue to believe the lies.  

To the bullying boss, maybe you need to look deep inside of your empty soul and drag your drama, attention seeking, narcissistic self to a good counselor.  

To myself, continue to make a difference and know good always conquers evil...Survivor!                                                                                                                                                       

Monday, October 17, 2011

Gossip about everybody, no one is spared

Each of us are guilty of gossip but a bully gossips with different intentions and about everyone.    As we explore a bully we need to consider their behavior in all realms of their lives  There are schoolyard bullies, workplace bullies and then bullies in one's personal life with family, friends and others.  I have highlighted a pattern with the bullying boss, it is important to distinguish bullies in your own personal life by the repeated patterns.  Even for a mental health diagnosis to be established, it is a pattern repeated over and over, over time.  

Taking a look at what we know about targets and who is targeted.  I think what is easy to forget is a bully targets people in their professional life but they also target people in their personal lives.  If you are friends with a person, listening to them gossip about co-workers, the neighbor, the teacher, one's family members and so forth, stop for a moment and ask yourself some questions---Do they have something to say about everybody?  Do they demean others often?  Do they have a problem with others behavior often?  And Do they seem to act as if they are always some how above all of this?  I guess you could wonder if this person is a bullying in life, not just in the workplace?  Recall a bully is:
  • is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
  • poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
  • uses gossip, back-stabbing or spreads rumors to undermine, discredit and isolate
Why Does a Bully Use Gossip?
"Gossip fits well into the bully’s plan. The bully can stretch or bend the truth or make up a lie about a target and not confront the target directly.Remember, gossip is indirect, passive behavior that the target is not usually included in directly. The bully uses gossip, the most powerful form of control in an organization, in order to discredit an individual. If the target is discredited, the bully gets a ‘rush’ to feel their addiction of needing power over" (
What motivates a person to gossip?  "But the true, deep rooted reason, and psychological studies have proven it, is the feeling of superiority that results from such vicious spreading of information. The person feels superior not only because he/she feels that they have information to offer that the other person does not have, and we all know that knowledge is power, but also by gossiping about someone else, the gossiper feel as if he/she was a much better person than the subject of the gossip,It seems like some people, more than others, suffer from such a bad case of inferiority that they will do whatever it takes, including passing gossip around, to make themselves look better in front of others, and therefore, feel better about themselves, no matter at what cost" (

I was cleaning out some paperwork and forgot how often I documented, keeping a journal about the things I was experiencing.  I knew early on I was being bullied and the pattern was pretty clear to me.  In my last blog, I discussed the bullying boss bullying a little kid, nobody is spared from a bully.  In my journal, I wrote about a story the bullying boss shared with me and probably many other people.    Here is what I documented:
The bullying boss: The Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader is 500lbs, he/she insulted his/her child all weekend long.  I went up to the Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader and said, if you insult your child one more time I'm gonna have to hurt you.  My son/daughter was nervous around the leader all weekend but I told him/her not to worry, daddy/mommy will go around and around with leader.
Me:  Did your son/daughter have a good time?
The bullying boss:  He/She loved it!(interjecting right away with)  Another child threw up every time he/she went to the outhouse.  I said to the Boy Scout/Girl Scout Leader I'm sure there are places with plumbing, I have been camping everywhere.  It was just ridiculous!  I already called the mainline for the Boy Scout/Girl Scout to complain.  The person there told me I could start my own group.  I don't want to hurt any one's feelings, I wouldn't take all the boys/girls, maybe 6.  The boys/girls are also suppose to earn badges, one of the badges is cooking and this Leader did none of that.  I was starving and all the Leader brought was donuts.  
And do you think the bullying boss was done, not at all, the bullying boss moved onto gossip about two additional people.  I do not want to give to much details with the next two people gossiped about, so in short.  
The bullying boss:  I need to get away from so and so, he/she is driving me crazy.  I ended up telling so and so I need to get away from you because we will be better friends. My husband/wife could not believe I told so and so this.     
Moving onto the next subject of gossip.
The bullying boss:  So and so son/daughter was around this weekend and was talking to my son/daughter.  He/She was told to stay away from my child.  There is something wrong with them, a crack addict or meth addict. If you ever met them, you would not forget them (then demonstrates how this person talks).  They talk real fast and keeps moving their legs and stuff.  
I documented that the conversation was less then 5 minutes with the bullying boss.  The conversation was pretty much me listening and the bullying boss talking about others.  So, if you are in the midst of a gossip remember they are probably a bully and gossips about everyone, including you.  


Friday, October 14, 2011

Sticks and stones, bullies know no limits

Just a short blog to read and to remember a bully bullies anyone.  Again to the pattern of a bully!  The next time you are around someone like my bullying boss and they open their mouth, listen closely to what they are saying.  Most of the time, it is a story to demonstrate how mean and rude they truly are.  Here is just another example of a bully in action.

"Sticks and stones will hurt my bones but names will never hurt me".  This rhyme was shared to help us with bullies while we were growing up. Remember your parents telling you this when you were younger because some kids can be so darn mean.  We have all been called names, made fun of or teased when we were younger, none of us felt good about those hurtful moments.  I remember telling my mom, "so and so made fun of me" and my mom usually would say to ignore them and to remember, "sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you".

If you are a parent, you want to protect your children from things that will hurt them.  When our children come home from school telling us someone called them a name or made fun of them we would like to take the pain away.  As parents, we just encourage them to ignore the kid or maybe we say tell your teacher.  We do not go to school and call a child a name or make fun of them, do we?  My bullying boss tells this story...

The bullying boss is at his/her child's school, keep in mind these are kindergartners.  So, the bullying boss is talking to the other children and one little boy/girl asks the bullying boss who's daddy/mommy are you?  The bullying boss tells the little boy/girl and the little boy/girl responses with a comment towards the bullying bosses child.  The comment made was one of a typical child of that age, "out of the mouths of babes".  Most adults would say to the little boy/girl, your comment is not very nice and could hurt someone's feelings-or something to that nature, right?  How do you think the bullying boss response?

The bullying boss leans down to the little kindergarten's ear, with a smile, whispers you are a very ugly little boy/girl.  Can you just imagine this scene?  

The bullying boss proudly tells everyone this story.  The bullying boss is the protecting father/mother or just a plan bully?  Bullies know no limits and will bully anyone.  I am sure it is something the kindergartner will never forget.


Bill would protect workers from bullies - Steubenville, Wintersville, Toronto, Mingo, Weirton, Jefferson County | News, Sports, Jobs,

Bill would protect workers from bullies - Steubenville, Wintersville, Toronto, Mingo, Weirton, Jefferson County News, Sports, Jobs,

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Tall Poppy Syndrome

I was reading a number of articles and blogs about why bullies bully?  The face of a bully does not change, the schoolyard bully or the workplace are all the same.  Research shows without a doubt, bullies bully because they feel inadequate and insecure.  

This blog is intended to educate others and to highlight research while using my own personal experience to show the parallel.  Bullying is not a new phenomena, it has been happening for years and years.  The difference is more research is being done to understand why it happens, how to deal with its affects, who becomes a target and the psyche of a bully.  This research is factual educated research done by psychologists, other clinical professionals and others personal insights.  I have provided links to research articles and various blogs to help educate others that are being bullied.  The examples provided is intended to paint you a picture of my personal experience with my bullying boss, linking it to educated research.  

Which leads me into what research states about why bullies bully.  One of the websites I discovered, has some very insightful information.  Dr. Sheila White, who has been doing research for years on workplace bullying is pretty straight forward, bullies bully because of "insecurity, envy, the potential for shame, unrealistic expectations and a futile search for recognition are some of the underlying factors".  Lets drive the point and see what others state regarding why bullies bully:
"Bullies usually attack others to try to make themselves feel better about their insecurities. A fairly popularly known reason why people of all ages bully is because they are insecure. They constantly worry about what other people think of them, and they do not want to appear weak or insufficient to their peers. In their minds, taking charge of any and all situations and mocking others will instill fear and insecurity in their victims. If they are able to make other individuals feel insecure, then they can forget about their own personal voids and take pleasure in the fact that someone else is weaker than they are" (
"The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy...Bullying is obsessive and compulsive...   Bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying...Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying"(
 I could continue to point out research definitions of why bullies bully but you get the point.  
So, if a bully feels inadequate and insecure what happens when they feel threatened, they will lash out.  The bully will "try and eliminate the threat of what they don't understand, to reassure themselves that they are 'superior' and generally to try and feel better about themselves and to reinforce their own views. This is made very much worse then if they think that you are looking down on them as this threatens them more and makes them feel as though they need to lash out" (
 If you recall, a serial bully "is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account" (

I could not resist to point out how a bully response when they are trying to avoid responsibility for their behavior.  

"When called to account for the way they have chosen to behave, the bully instinctively exhibits this recognisable behavioural response:
a) Denial: the bully denies everything. Variations include Trivialization ("This is so trivial it's not worth talking about...") and the Fresh Start tactic ("I don't know why you're so intent on dwelling on the past" and "Look, what's past is past, I'll overlook your behaviour and we'll start afresh") - this is an abdication of responsibility by the bully and an attempt to divert and distract attention by using false conciliation. Imagine if this line of defence were available to all criminals ("Look I know I've just murdered 12 people but that's all in the past, we can't change the past, let's put it behind us, concentrate on the future so we can all get on with our lives" - this would do wonders for prison overcrowding).
b) Retaliation: the bully counterattacks. The bully quickly and seamlessly follows the denial with an aggressive counter-attack of counter-criticism or counter-allegation, often based on distortion or fabrication. Lying, deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. The purpose is to avoid answering the question and thus avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour. Often the target is tempted - or coerced - into giving another long explanation to prove the bully's allegation false; by the time the explanation is complete, everybody has forgotten the original question.

Both a) and b) are delivered with aggression in the guise of assertiveness; in fact there is no assertiveness (which is about recognising and respecting the rights of oneself and others) at all. Note that explanation - of the original question - is conspicuous by its absence.
c) Feigning victimhood: in the unlikely event of denial and counter-attack being insufficient, the bully feigns victimhood or feigns persecution by manipulating people through their emotions, especially guilt. This commonly takes the form of bursting into tears, which most people cannot handle. Variations include indulgent self-pity, feigning indignation, pretending to be "devastated", claiming they're the one being bullied or harassed, claiming to be "deeply offended", melodrama, martyrdom ("If it wasn't for me...") and a poor-me drama ("You don't know how hard it is for me ... blah blah blah ..." and "I'm the one who always has to...""You think you're having a hard time ...""I'm the one being bullied..."). Other tactics include manipulating people's perceptions to portray themselves as the injured party and the target as the villain of the piece. Or presenting as a false victim. Sometimes the bully will suddenly claim to be suffering "stress" and go off on long-term sick leave, although no-one can quite establish why. Alleged ill-health can also be a useful vehicle for gaining attention and sympathy"
As I continue to read and research I discover more insight and am confident in my abilities, my accomplishments, my work ethics and in whole my entire being.  There is a saying, you may think you knocked me down but I am stronger then ever and stand stronger then before.  I am stronger because I have educated myself against someone like you, my bullying boss and know I have hit a nerve.  I am not saying this without research to back up my knowledge, so here it is:

"Reflection: Serial bullies harbor a particular hatred of anyone who can articulate their behaviour profile, either verbally or in writing - as on this page - in a manner which helps other people see through their deception and their mask of deceit. The usual instinctive response is to launch a bitter personal attack on the person's credentials, lack of qualifications, and right to talk about personality disorders, psychopathic personality etc, whilst preserving their right to talk about anything they choose - all the while adding nothing to the debate themselves.  Serial bullies hate to see themselves and their behavior reflected as if they are looking into a mirror" ( 

In conclusion, an interesting anaIagy.  "In Australia, where poppies grow, they for the most part grow to the same height. Every once in a while, one poppy grows higher than the rest. What do you think they do? You got it…they come along and chop the poppy down to match all the others. This is the same methodology a bully will take with a superstar or high achiever" (

Whether the bullying boss continues or not his/her lies, attacks or behavior, just proves the point made by research.  I know anyone reading this blog or other information on workplace bullying has walked away thinking differently about people like the bullying boss.  Be aware, be very aware, the pattern of a bully is consistent, there is always a target, whether in their family, in the workplace or any other place or person they can.  They know no boundaries, its all about them, their Narcissistic Personality Disorder(NPD) and their attention seeking behavior.  

The power and strength is in the truth!  And so its time to change the sign off name...

PS~stay tuned!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Cyber-bullying: by email, Facebook, Twitter

There are so many ways in which a bully bullies and there are so many avenues in which they can attack their targets.  There is a lot of attention to implement policies in school systems against bullying, extending it to entail bullying a target through texting, Facebook and Twitter.  A target is anticipating the bullies next move and with the social network a part of life, can you imagine the impact this has on a school age student?  

This is also happening with the work place bully, these narcissistic, attention seeking people have a platform to continue the abuse outside of work.  Sadly, being a Facebook friend with the bullying boss can cause added stress especially if the bullying boss uses it for his/her platform to lure bystanders into his/her web.  I have pages upon pages of my experience with the Facebook Bullying Boss.  Keep in mind, the bullying boss is diabolical and is fully aware of their abusive behavior.  And keep in mind the Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde persona, they are good at putting on whichever face they need.  If you are paying attention to the pattern, it is clearly there even in moments when they are painting the perfect happy life scenario.  

I am sure many of you can relate to being Facebook friends with your fellow co-workers and supervisors...if there is a bullying person in the mix becomes the right ingredients for cyber-bullying.  Now, the bullying boss wants to send a message and does it on Facebook for all co-workers to read.  How would this play out for the target and for the other workers?  And sadly, as a co-worker you are watching this abuse unfold night after night knowing full well where this is being targeted too.  Co-workers choice, say something on Facebook to defend your co-worker or say nothing?  I would imagine most would say nothing or if they do say something it will be to sympathize with the bullying boss.  Recall in previous:  
"Bullies tend to surround themselves with supporters, spies and 'court jesters' while cultivating allies in senior management. The bully will create rivalries in the workforce, as people anxiously fight to stay in their favour, creating a divisive culture which brings out the worst in people. To be 'in' with a bully can seem the best way to survive, and cover any feelings of inadequacy by displacing these on to others, through siding with the bully's aggression. But as long as a bully feels that they can get away with it they will continue." (  
I will let you judge for yourself, this is just a handful of examples. Put yourself into the place of the target and the co-workers.  How would you feel having to walk into work the next day?

"If there is someone who is adding stress to your life; purge them. Life is too short. Planning who's being purged this week as we speak......"
 "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned" ~ Buddha
"Been a horribly rough few weeks!"
 "The grass isn't always greener on the other side....unless you stop watering your own side........"
"Is today "stupid" day?! They are coming out in droves today"
 "Thinking about necessary changes that have to come about"
"Haha. I wish. The hmmmm is for lots of bs and pettiness surrounding me. :). Is it Friday yet?!"
 "Drama free zone please"
"well i am almost complete with my self help book.. "advanced delusionary schizoprhenia with involuntary narcissistic rage for dummies"...response to this post from the bullying boss:  I need the book. I have an employee it may apply to"
 "I have to agree. I, sadly, deal with ignorant, classless, bafoons daily" 
"I have dealt with such complete ignorance and utter stupidity today, that I couldn't even find a quote that would be appropriate...oh yeah....except "total and complete assholes". :-)"
As I re-read many of the comments and behavior of the bullying boss, I still shake my head in disbelief that he/she still has people encouraging him/her.  Not only encouraging him/her but empathizing with the constant poor me, everybody is stupid, abusive language towards others and carrying on like a child.  I am hopeful that someone is reading this and realizes this behavior is not normal and to take note, it may not be happening to you today but bullies always find new targets.  

If you are watching things like this unfold on a social network, in emails or are around someone behaving like this, run, run far away.  It is always hopeful that others will stand up and speak out against a bullies dysfunctional behaviors.  Sometimes your actions speak louder then words, distancing yourself and not adding to the narcissistic/attention seeking behavior.  It is when the bullies have less of an audience, less people around them and less encouragement to harm others.  

Take a stand, either in your actions or by speaking up,