Leadership Not

I just attended a seminar about re-energizing and re-focusing.  The speaker was wonderful and gave some insightful perspective on dealing with life.  It made me step back and realized a few things about my nightmare with the bullying boss and how unhealthy the climate was under the bullying boss.

If you are being bullied at work, on the playground or in your family keep in mind someone who is a good leader, good friend or good family member will display characteristics reflective of that.

"The disposition of the leaders becomes the disposition of the organization"~unknown

CHARACTERISTICS OF A GOOD LEADER

EMPOWERS

COMMUNICATES PHILOSOPHY AND VALUES

IS A STABILIZING INFLUENCE IN A CRISIS

CAN COMMUNICATE ANNOYANCE WITHOUT RUNNING WILD

MAKES PEOPLE FEEL CONFIDENT

HANDLES DISAGREEMENTS PRIVATELY

IS PATIENT

IS OPEN AND HONEST

INSPIRES LOYALTY

NEVER FLAUNTS AUTHORITY

WORKS AS HARD OR HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE

LISTENS EXCEPTIONALLY WELL

SETS GOOD EXAMPLE

CHARACTERISTICS OF A TRUE FRIEND

Honest and trustworthy: Can they keep a secret? A good friend doesn't gossip about you.

Good Listener: Do they listen to you or do they only talk about themselves?

Loyal

Available: Are they available when you need them?

Supportive: A true friend will never make you do something that goes against your moral or religious beliefs. They will not ask you to lie, steal or cheat, or to do drugs or alcohol.

http://www.life123.com/parenting/young-children/making-friends/how-to-spot-a-true-friend.shtml

The employer I was working for was functioning with a black cloud over its head.  The characteristics above were not reflective in the organization under the bullying boss and his/her leadership skills were absent.

Here are some examples--The employees were always anticipating the mood the bullying boss would be in and who was next on his/her target list.   I recall the whispers when the bullying boss was on one of his/her rants or in a motivational frenzy or anxiety mode or re-organizational mode or the family mode or the fun loving mode...you get the picture, the atmosphere was always changing and the employees were never sure who was walking in the door..thus your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona. The office was different when he/she was not there and the employees liked the bullying boss being absent.

A leader sets the tone of others around them.  If a leader is functioning with insecurity, anxiety and bullying behavior one moment and then happy go lucky, life is perfect functioning the next.  This sends extremely mixed signals to others.  Installing video cameras to sit at home and spy on your employees is an example of setting the tone.  The employees believed their bullying boss did not respect them or trust them.  What would be your response or feelings?  I would have to say that most people learn to conform and may even do what they need to do to get by.  Play the game!

The employees are well aware of the antics of the bullying boss and whispers behind his/her back.  The Narcissist is about the mirror they see reflected in their false self.  They see people as excited to see them and believe the responses are genuine.  It is not the case. Instead, it is a response to surviving in a workplace that was very dysfunctional, filled with fear and uncertainty.  The bullying boss gains a lot of Narcissistic Supply from others around him/her.

"Abuse is defined as the systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain power and control over another" (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/dap/img5.html).

The bullying boss fits the description of being a serial bully, having characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and attention seeking behavior-Proven.

The bullying boss is not a good leader because he/she does not possess the characteristics of a good leader or true friend.  Everything is false and a distortion.

Survivor