Definition of Workplace Bullying

Workplace Bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms:
*Verbal abuse

*Offensive conduct/behaviors (including nonverbal) which are threatening, humiliating, or intimidating

*Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
~Harvey S. Firestone

Friday, November 11, 2011

Bully at work, bully at home

A serial bully has no boundaries when it comes to targets, their bullying stops at no one.  The bullying boss had an opinion on everything, remember no one was spared.  "The serial bully at work is a serial bully at home and in the community", If you are one of those lucky "friends" of the bullying boss, the serial bully...Do you wonder what has been said about you, what distortion and lies are spread about you?  If after reading these blogs, researched what others have written on the subject and you still see the bullying boss through rose colored glasses then you have fallen right into the trap.  The bullying boss needs Narcissistic Supply to maintain themselves which you are supplying.

I can honestly tell you there were very few people, if any, the bullying boss did not gossip about, have a negative take on their life or compared another's situation to how much of a better person the bullying boss was compared too so and so...I always try to be general about the bullying bosses gossipy ways and sensitive now knowing how twisted this person is.  Some brief examples of the perception of others from the bullying boss: 

It ranged from a co-worker having an affair while the sick spouse lived in the same house, a cousin who's parents should of invested in his/her teeth, a cousin who dressed for work to much like a slut and was a slut due to the many people he/she was with prior to marriage, a sister/brother who was not as attentive of a parent as the bullying boss and worked all the time while a babysitter took care of the children, a wife/husband who was useless, immature and abusive, an aunt who was financially "stupid" that spent all the money that was inherited, a co-workers sibling that was "haughty" but the bullying boss felt was also "stupid", a sister/brother-in-law that was lazy, did not care about the children, did not feel they were a good parent and was always going to the bar, a cousin's husband who he/she did not like, never did and never will, felt they were "useless", had a gambling problem and was "controlling", a co-worker who bankrupt spouses business because of "stupidity", a cousins children who ate to much and as a result was fat, a co-worker who needs to shower, a business associate who treated employee's terribly,  but had a couple of houses and was selfish.   

"Bullies are adept at distorting peoples' perceptions with intent to engender a negative view of their target in the minds of family members, neighbors, friends and people in positions of officialdom and authority; this is achieved through undermining, the creation of doubts and suspicions, and the sharing of false concerns, etc.
The bully may try to establish an exclusive relationship (based on apparent trust and confidence) with one family member such that they (the bully) are seen as the sole reliable source of information; this may be achieved by portraying the target (and certain other family members) as irresponsible, unstable, undependable, uncaring, unreliable and untrustworthy, perhaps by the constant highlighting - using distortion and fabrication - of alleged failures, breaches of trust, lack of reliability, etc. The process is reinforced by inclusion of the occasional piece of juicy gossip about the target's alleged misdemeanours or untrustworthiness in respect of relationships and communication with people. Mostly this is projection. The objective is to manipulate the family member's perceptions and create a dependency so that the family member comes to rely exclusively on the bully and see the bully as the sole source of reliable information whilst distrusting everyone else"

Like I said, I listened to all these lies about the bullying bosses family members, friends and associates and would walk away thinking these people are really messed up.  I have come to believe these were lies meant to distort my perception, along with others, to project a specific image of  the bullying boss of being the only  "normal", together person in the family or with any one else.  The bullying boss was the rescuer, the person everyone needed and went to for help, the intelligent one of their family, amongst friends and associates and the one who was the "super" everything.  

A serial bully projects many different images about their life, their false self to the world.  They project they have close relationships with many, love deeply and is in a position to be respected.  In reality, a Narcissist does not have any of these things, it is all a perception of their false self and they are good at distortion, manipulation and lies.  For example, the bullying boss would project one minute the close, overly loving, perfect marriage they had, while painting a picture to the world what a wonderful spouse they had, greatest parent to the children, perfect friend, perfect everything and that they could not live without.  Then with a switch of a light, the bullying boss is projecting a marriage/spouse that is one sided, abusive, uncaring, selfish, not a good parent, gets no help or respect and cannot stand to be near the spouse.  Is this a normal relationship?  The answer is simple, NO.  

"Healthy relationships are characterized by respect, sharing and trust. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally shared"

A good relationship has ups and downs but extremes like the bullying boss has is not considered a healthy relationship.  If you know a bullying boss or a bully who has explosive relationships, moving from one extreme to the next, stop and make note.  Take another step back and look with an open mind.  Is the bullying bosses other relationships swing from one extreme of total admiration to the other extreme of total disdain?  Keep in mind, a serial bully is looking for power and control, they are not interested in respect, sharing or trust and believe me, they do not believe you are an equal. 

Lets explore, a serial bully gossips and spreads lies to help with their false self,  to make others believe they have been victimized and they are always dealing with nonsense, stupid people.  You have a choice in all this, confront the bully and inform them you are no longer going to be a part of unhealthy boundaries with them.  Be warned! Taking this step will signal the bully you are a threat and an enemy and therefore will become a target of their evilness.  

The bully has a cycle, they only can contain an image for so long and then they will strike, seek out a target and their destruction repeats.  Do not be fooled when they are projecting the perfect, happy life...just a show to manipulate and distort!


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